Today is the eve of my last birthday as a twenty something. Yeah , I know. For the last couple of birthdays there has always been more than a few unruly elements who have suggested that its about time I got hitched. Time I settled down. Their reasoning? ”You are not getting any younger” or “Its the next logical step.” OK. I wont even get into the now constant barrage of engagement notifications, wedding and baby photos on my Facebook timeline.
Me and my ego are still out here chilling. Still refusing to settle … or settle down. *Kanye Shrug*.
It is with all this in mind that I decided to share a piece that’s been doing the rounds on the “Internets” addressing the issue of the ideal stage of life for men to settle down.
Ladies and Gentlemen …
The Marriage Zone
Most men can only begin enjoying life at age 29 the way women do at age 19 because it takes them that long to gain the resources women find attractive. The point in life where men’s and women’s access intersect is the marriage zone. She has to get him to commit in that zone before he realizes that his life is really just starting. My recommendation: she’s enjoyed her “wild and free” days, so avoid marriage and go enjoy
yours. Travel. Sex up a variety of women. Explore your hobby now that you have both the time and resources to do so. In short, live life with the access of a carefree 19 year old party girl.
Ages 15 to 19: The chart starts at age 15. Here women are at an access level of 8, which means they can pretty much do whatever they want whenever they want. By the time she’s 19 and has a fake ID, she soars up to a 10 which means the world is her oyster. Your average man in this same category is lucky if he gets a bl0wj0b from the ugly chick in 2nd period, and feels truly fortunate if he can keep a steady girlfriend and get laid on a semi regular basis.
Ages 20 to 25: Women are at their peak during most of this time, and even though their access starts to decline, it declines only because they themselves are being more selective while staging for marriage. Men during this time are steadily learning how to deal with women and are increasing their earning potential, so things are getting slowly better. Still, they haven’t reached the level of access that their female counterparts have enjoyed since age 15.
Age 26 to 28: This is the start of the marriage zone. Women’s clocks are ticking, and men have finally turned a job into a career. Though women’s access is still at a very high 8, she notices the men around her have more choices. They’ve reached an access level of 7 and are steadily rising. Though she gets roughly the same amount of attention from men that she used to, she notices the men are far less likely to catch oneitis in her presence. Men are getting smarter and they have more options because of their increased access. She has to get him to commit as soon as possible before he realizes just how numerous his options really are.
Age 29 to 30: This is a superb time for men to be alive. The tables have now turned. She’s finally learned that while a one night stand takes very little effort, finding a*committed* man isn’t as easy as she was told it would be. Even though she screwed up in the marriage zone and wasn’t able to secure a partner, she’s going to stay on the prowl and be “in it to win it”.
Age 31 and up: As her attractiveness and marriage market value slowly decreases, so does her access to committed men. Meanwhile, the men who were smart enough to avoid her in the marriage zone have a long and happy life ahead of them. Even at age 40 – if they are successful and have stayed in shape – these men can find a 28 year old woman to bear their children if they want. The men have nothing to lose. The women continue to slowly decline until they settle for a beta or convince themselves that being a career woman in Cougarville was really what they wanted all along.
After men avoid the marriage zone, their access soars. They can enjoy a series of fulfilling monogamous relationships with women who are on their best behavior since they’re desperately trying to get married, and fill in the time in between these relationships by banging easy targets such as single mothers, divorcees, and rabid feminists who are second guessing their decisions. So gentlemen, stay in shape. Focus on your career, build a stable financial portfolio, and keep your access soaring. If you absolutely must have a child, do it in your late 30’s or early 40’s with a hot little number
in her 20’s. It can happen. If you’re like me and children aren’t in your future, the possibilities are endless.
Avoid the marriage zone!
Cheers! I will drink to that!